This Week in Maldives: December 25

Filed in This Week In Maldives by on December 26, 2016

Because it is a Merry Christmas, but only to those who are celebrating, this week I focus on independent commissions, journalists sentencing and other Maldives things.

These are short takes on the headlines of the week gone by.

Suspects arrested for throwing chemicals on woman’s face

A 50 year-old woman from the island of Lhaimagu in Shaviyani atoll was hospitalised after a man threw chemicals on her face. The exact nature of the chemical was not identified.

Looks like some guy realized: “There’s this utterly depraved chemical/acid-attack-against-women thing that is so prevalent in our region, and somehow we Dhivehin haven’t yet gotten in on the action? Unacceptable!”

Radical cleric appointed to top Islamic council

The regime has appointed hate-mongering cleric Adam Shameem to the Fatwa Majlis, the state body that is officially the ultimate arbiter in matters of religion. The (regime controlled-) parliament had recently amended the Religious Unity Act, granting authority to the President to unilaterally appoint members to the fatwa council.

And the regime couldn’t have a picked a better partner in crime.

Shameem is virulently anti-democratic and anti-progress in almost all imaginable aspects – and even better, he is known to consort with violent criminals.

Followers of this regressive sheikh can also be found on social media, picking on easy targets, complaining about random paintings and Facebook updates – but somehow never quite expressing an opinion on the massive state theft, corruption, gang violence, drug mafias, murders, or the fact that their favourite mullah is in bed with a mob-run regime.

Also, while I am single (and straight as a fiddle-), Shameem’s boyfriends continue to send me rosy love letters every time I call out their beloved Sheikh as a stinking, unscrupulous hypocrite.

I wish they’d stop. But it is evidently easier to send me long, personalized messages than to reflect upon the morally bankrupt, hollow drivel peddled by opportunistic criminals like their beloved sheikh.

Sentencing postponed for convicted journalists

The sentencing of two opposition-aligned Raajje TV journalists has been postponed to late January.

Mohamed Wisam and Leevan Ali Naseer are convicted of “obstructing” police duty, apparently based on the testimony of police themselves.

Now, I have previously been in a court room with police swearing upon the Qur’an and vowing to speak nothing but the truth. Everything that comes out of their mouths from that point onwards, unfortunately, happened to be lies.

They also swear upon Allah every morning to uphold the law and constitution and stuff, but this also means jackshit in practice.

Again, the dheenee fanboys never seem to get “outraged” over this daily display of disbelief by uniformed men. I wonder why.

HRCM watchdog head ‘lauds’ Maldives human rights situation

Welcome, once again, to the post-truth world.

While speaking at a Human Rights Day event, the President of the HRCM reportedly said that there were “no concerns” about the rights situation in Maldives, immediately drawing ridicule and mockery from social media.

The statement would be laughable, if it weren’t so tragic.


However, it appears the Ministry of Truth stepped in at some point, and the news headlines from different media outlets were conveniently re-written to no longer report that part of the story.

Maldives capital switches off traffic lights to ease congestion

You laugh, but this is true. Malé’s traffic lights have always been utterly Muizzed beyond repair.

I have previously observed the smooth flow of traffic near ADK when the lights were switched off, versus the absurd spectacle of all traffic and pedestrians both coming to a standstill for several minutes when the lights were “functioning”.

The darned things shouldn’t ever be turned back on, imho.

Man fined US$7,000 for caging protected bird species

Good. The man was reported to have held captive “a ruddy turnstone, golden plover, grey plover, owls and eagles”.

I have to assume that, afterwards, the police confiscated the birds and promptly killed all of them.

For those with short memories, this is exactly what the police did in April 2014; in a “special operation”, they raided and confiscated exotic pets from households all over Malé, and mercilessly murdered them all, including a beautiful owl.

Knife left on MP’s front door

The knife was left on the front door of regime-allied MP Riyaz Rasheed, whom I have previously described as deserving a long holiday in a soft, padded cell.

“This is not the first time they attempted to attack me with a knife. With Allah’s mercy I’m protected every time” he said in a tweet.

In fact, I can visually count 17 previous attempts in just that picture. (Personally, though, I think he should entertain the possibility that someone just might just really, really hate his door)

OPEC Fund lends $50m for new airport terminal

This is the latest in a series of big loans taken by the regime to fund projects, after the much vaunted “big international investors” failed to materialize.

The Finance Minister Ahmed Munawar would not disclose the interest rate. (I am no economist, but that does not strike me as a great sign)

But then, I guess it’s all fine. After all, as we sink deeper and deeper into debt, our aqeeda only grows stronger and stronger.

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