The VP of the Maldives Fiqh Academy, Dr Mohamed Iyaz Abdul Latheef, has confirmed today that marital rape is the best rape.
The comments were made in response to a question regarding the contents of the Sexual Offenses Bill. The bill, passed in late December by 67 out of 69 MPs in attendance, was returned today by President Abdulla Yameen without ratification, as it contained a few sensible clauses that were deemed to be in contravention to the holy tenets of the Adhaalath Party.
To quote Minivan News, the bill doesn’t recognize marital rape except in four circumstances:
1. While a case for dissolution of the marriage is in a court
2. While the divorce filed by either husband or wife is pending a court
3. Sexual intercourse to intentionally transmit a sexually transmitted disease
4. During a mutually agreed separation (without divorce)
But even this partial, sort of recognition of a woman’s rights in a relationship was found to be in contravention of Adhaalathism.
In his comments that suggest marital rape is the best rape – the kind that even God condones – Iyaz mentioned that it is “not permissible for a woman to refrain from sex when the husband is in need”. In fact, Iyaz clarified, even in the case of a revocable divorce, a man can simply rape his ex-wife back into a marriage. Which, presumably, legitimizes all the rape from that point onwards.
[Editors Note: We have fired a young journalist who demanded that Iyaz provide his sources for claiming that rape is permissible in Islam. The Editor notes that Iyaz wears a funny hat and has a beard, and therefore his utterances are beyond all reproach. At The Daily Panic, we strongly believe that, unlike rape, questioning a bearded Sheikh is actually a frightful sin]
Our team of translators have independently confirmed that in the Arabic language, “not permissible for a woman to refrain from sex with the husband…” is the exact lexical equivalent of “the husband should then rape the wife if she refuses”.
The Daily Panic’s Senior Islam Correspondent nodded along in agreement as we were fleshing out this story and added, “In Islam, it is not permissible for banks to charge interest. If your banker refuses you interest-free loans, you burn that motherfucker down before looting his money. Also, you must rape him first. It is the proper Islamic way.”
Iyaz’s comments were met with absolutely no outrage from Maldivian society at large. As Minivan News reported earlier, a 2007 study by the Ministry of Gender and Family found that 58% of women feel obliged to have sex with their husbands at the latter’s will. The remaining 42%, we imagine, should get raped, brutalized and battered until the Heavens smile in approval.
While researching this story, our researchers came across the following hadith – a saying attributed to the Prophet – that mullahs like Iyaz enjoy almost as much as rape.
“When the husband calls his wife to his bed, and she does not come to it, while he spends the night angry with her, the Malaa’ikah (the angels) curse her until morning ” (Bukhari, Muslim)
However, in a comprehensive poll conducted by The Daily Panic, 100% of female respondents confirmed that they would rather have angels curse them till the morning than get raped.
As to why the man in the hadith had to spend the night angry when he could have simply raped her, our experts are still investigating.