This week in Maldives: October 8

Because the Maldives could use a Paul Thurrott but doesn’t have one, I step in to save the day. These are short takes on headlines of the week gone by in the Maldives. 

“Saudi Arabia pledges US$150m ‘bailout loan’ for Maldives”

This loan goes towards repayment of previous loans that were taken out ‘for an unprecedented infrastructure scale-up” – a fancy way of saying we paid 80 million to iPad boy to erect some bleachers near the sea to view a bridge.

Which iPad boy? The same one we paid MVR 8000 last year for each plate of a fistful of white rice and a carefully placed clove of garlic. 

That’s a lot of iPads.

“MUO concludes rally, reveals intention to continue protests until food subsidies are restored”

With generous coffee breaks. Because we can afford it.

“Raajjey ge rayyithun thibee badhalakah kah edhigen kan yageen”

Badhalakah enmen. Yageen.

“Human rights lawyer given six-month ban for “tarnishing the good name of judges”

I was going to make a joke here. But couldn’t come up with anything to top “the good name of judges”.

Does the Maldives practice what it preaches globally on human rights?

“Of course”, says Junior Waheed, with a cushy UN job in NY, spinning yarns and peddling fiction for the Maldives regime.

5% of the people have all the fun.

Maldivian model featured on the cover of Vogue

*stalks Instagram* *whistles*

(please don’t be a cousin, please don’t be a cousin)

Has the Maldives United Opposition failed to ‘restore democracy’?

Bondibaiy Jameel didn’t rouse the masses to a popular democratic uprising with his endless charm, wit and charisma? I can’t believe this.

Environment agency proposes record MVR633million fine for reef damage

Might help repay the Saudis.

Or, you know, we could just take another loan.