This Week in Maldives: October 23

Because I finally slept through a rainy Saturday afternoon, this week I observe – slack-jawed – at how old man Gayoom destroyed a military APC with a joke. These are short takes on the headlines from the week gone by.

“Yameen handed control of ruling party”

No kidding. A civil court judge straight up told *the* Maumoon Abdul Gayoom that he should hand over his party to his genetically inferior half-brother President Yameen Abdul Gayoom.

Following this, YAG sent in the military to the PPM headquarters, where Maumoon was scheduled to give a press conference.

What happened next will *shock* you.

Gayoom speaks out on feud with Yameen: “Why did he let things go this far?”

Fine, I’ll say it. Gayoom is impressive as fuck. He went ahead with the press conference.

He cheerfully disregarded the civil court ruling. He then chided the president, asserted his control over the party, and politely declined to hand over his office.

That military APC full of armed men trained to kill on command, and waiting outside his doorway ready to burst in and take over his office? He didn’t even acknowledge their existence.

Instead, he smiled and joked his way through the questions, charmed the press, and went back to business as usual. The military was forced to retreat in what I’m sure was a state of existential crisis. The MNDF has been defeated before by a small gang of unruly policemen armed with a few canisters of tear gas.

But being utterly destroyed by an unarmed 78 year old man? That is an entirely new low altogether.

Gayoom’s self-assurance is such a contrast from Jameel, the ostensible ‘leader’ of the opposition MUO alliance. Compare Gayoom’s clarity of thought with Jameel’s rambling incoherence during the MUO announcement in London – and it becomes clear why the Maldives opposition is in such dire straits.

On the other hand, Gayoom’s silver tongue shouldn’t distract from the fact that the judiciary he criticizes today was one he lovingly nurtured for over thirty years. Azra Naseem has a great piece here on how Gayoom’s Frankenstein turned on its own master.

MDP chairperson Ali Waheed charged with terrorism

In potentially related news, out of the hundreds of Maldivians who have gone to join terrorist groups in Syria, exactly zero have been charged with terrorism.

Opposition cleric’s licence to preach revoked

Islam dheen fohelaifi 🙁

But seriously. I am not a fan of the state having any say in religious matters – hence my secular gay jesus reputation – but if they’re going to regulate the thing anyway, Sheikh Ilyas really deserves to be among the first ones to be banned.

In this latest instance, he was complaining about children’s rights, women’s rights and human rights – all of which were getting in the way of the “islamic shariah” that he wanted implemented. So yeah. Fuck that guy.

Side note #1: Ilyas’ license was revoked under the same Religious Unity Act regulations that was initially put forward by his own party in 2010 to shut up that other lunatic sheikh Fareed. I am a massive fan of this kind of delicious irony.

Side note #2: The “democratic” party MDP released a statement calling the ban “appalling and unjust” – but conveniently didn’t condemn the contents of the despicable sheikh’s sermon. Because politics.

Majlis endorses quitting Commonwealth

I wonder what YAG’s shoes feel like when he wipes them over this filthy doormat of a PPM parliamentary group.

Maldives laments losing air traffic controllers

Apparently, they are going abroad in droves for better pay. Exporting trained youth, just like Baagee Waheed predicted. I am 5% sure he is behind all this.

Umar Naseer under fire over ‘sexist’ tweet

This reminds me of the three C’s that describe people like Umar Naseer, but unfortunately they’re all the same word.

And they all rhyme with ‘hunt’.

 

Elections commission recognises Yameen faction as legitimate PPM

Again, I wonder what YAG’s shoes feel like..