Deeply concerned

The Daily Panic is deeply dismayed by the decision of various Western countries to continue issuing incredibly bland statements regarding local developments in the Maldives. The Daily Panic reminds all stakeholders that many of these are English speaking countries, and should know how to not be boring in their own language. We note with great concern that tedious language such as this is counterproductive to the purpose of holding reader stakeholder attention.

We urge diplomats to avoid maximum dullness, and exercise less restraint in their choice of words. The rights of readers stakeholders are best served with greater lyrical flourishes and livelier sentences. We look forward to timely resolution of this long-standing issue, and remind all stakeholders that the continued support of The Daily Panic in this matter is assured.

– Editor, The Daily Panic
12 November 2013